NHL
April 25, 2026 — Slapshot Steve (Behind the Penalty Box Glass)
I brought my own measuring tape to the rink last night and what I found will shake the NHL to its frozen core. The goalposts are retractable. They start the first period at the regulation six feet, bu
April 25, 2026 — Rick 'The Hammer' McCracken (The Sewer)
1. Edmonton Oilers — Connor McDavid is clearly a series of sophisticated hydraulics inside a skinsuit and if he doesn't leak oil on center ice by Tuesday the league is hiding the truth about mechanica
April 25, 2026 — Barnaby 'Pork' Chops (The Sin Bin)
Brock Stonehouse | OUT | Currently haunted by a Game 7 ghost that stares at him from the penalty box
April 25, 2026 — Sal 'The Siren' Moretti (South Philly)
Listen up, because the mainstream hockey media is too terrified to admit what’s staring us right in the goggles: Connor McDavid isn’t a hockey player, he’s a $100 million biomechanical prototype devel
April 25, 2026 — Blade McGinty (The Penalty Box)
In a move that analytics nerds are calling 'bold' and my bookie is calling 'a reason to go into hiding,' the New Jersey Devils have shipped their entire active roster to the AHL in exchange for a 1982