https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-16/trump-threatens-to-fire-fed-chair-powell-after-powell-rejects-request-to-make The Sludge Report en 2026-04-16T04:03:32.409Z TRUMP THREATENS TO FIRE FED CHAIR POWELL AFTER POWELL REJECTS REQUEST TO MAKE THE US DOLLAR SHINY GOLD INSTEAD OF DIRTY GREEN https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-16/study-finds-sperm-whales-language-consists-entirely-of-reviews-for-the-new The Sludge Report en 2026-04-16T04:03:32.409Z STUDY FINDS SPERM WHALES' LANGUAGE CONSISTS ENTIRELY OF REVIEWS FOR THE NEW 'TRUMP PHONE' https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-16/allbirds-shares-surge-after-pivoting-from-wool-sneakers-to-ai-powered-cloud The Sludge Report en 2026-04-16T04:03:32.409Z ALLBIRDS SHARES SURGE AFTER PIVOTING FROM WOOL SNEAKERS TO 'AI-POWERED' CLOUD-BASED FOOTWEAR THAT DOESN'T EXIST https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-16/justice-sotomayor-apologizes-to-kavanaugh-after-accidentally-stealing-his-lunch The Sludge Report en 2026-04-16T04:03:32.409Z JUSTICE SOTOMAYOR APOLOGIZES TO KAVANAUGH AFTER ACCIDENTALLY STEALING HIS LUNCH FOR THE THIRD TIME THIS WEEK https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-16/federal-court-orders-live-nation-to-accept-livestock-and-heavy-machinery The Sludge Report en 2026-04-16T04:03:32.409Z FEDERAL COURT ORDERS LIVE NATION TO ACCEPT LIVESTOCK AND HEAVY MACHINERY AS LEGAL TENDER https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-16/cbs-to-replace-all-ghosts-cast-members-with-legally-binding-non-disclosure The Sludge Report en 2026-04-16T04:03:32.409Z CBS TO REPLACE ALL 'GHOSTS' CAST MEMBERS WITH LEGALLY BINDING NON-DISCLOSURE AGREEMENTS https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-16/sudan-discovers-ancient-genome-of-sudden-downfall-in-former-congressman-eric The Sludge Report en 2026-04-16T04:03:32.409Z SUDAN DISCOVERS ANCIENT GENOME OF 'SUDDEN DOWNFALL' IN FORMER CONGRESSMAN ERIC SWALWELL'S DNA https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-16/australian-authorities-investigate-after-katy-perry-accuses-ruby-rose-of-too The Sludge Report en 2026-04-16T04:03:32.409Z AUSTRALIAN AUTHORITIES INVESTIGATE AFTER KATY PERRY ACCUSES RUBY ROSE OF 'TOO MUCH INTENSE EYE CONTACT' IN REVERSE SURPRISE TWIST https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-16/saudi-fund-to-withdraw-from-liv-golf-to-invest-in-more-financially-stable The Sludge Report en 2026-04-16T04:03:32.409Z SAUDI FUND TO WITHDRAW FROM LIV GOLF TO INVEST IN 'MORE FINANCIALLY STABLE' PROJECT OF BUYING THE ENTIRE CONCEPT OF TUESDAYS https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-16/sam-altmans-house-attacked-by-molotov-cocktail-filled-with-artisanal-kombucha The Sludge Report en 2026-04-16T04:03:32.409Z SAM ALTMAN’S HOUSE ATTACKED BY MOLOTOV COCKTAIL FILLED WITH ARTISANAL KOMBUCHA AND UNSALTED ROASTED ALMONDS https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-16/new-google-gemini-app-for-mac-discovered-to-be-just-a-photobooth-filter-that The Sludge Report en 2026-04-16T04:03:32.409Z NEW GOOGLE GEMINI APP FOR MAC DISCOVERED TO BE JUST A PHOTOBOOTH FILTER THAT MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A DISAPPOINTED PHILOSOPHER https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-16/youtube-introduces-button-to-turn-off-shorts-but-it-just-replaces-them-with-re The Sludge Report en 2026-04-16T04:03:32.409Z YOUTUBE INTRODUCES BUTTON TO TURN OFF SHORTS, BUT IT JUST REPLACES THEM WITH RE-RUNS OF 'MATLOCK' https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-16/disney-layoffs-reveal-marvel-studios-secret-weapon-trained-squirrels-are The Sludge Report en 2026-04-16T04:03:32.409Z DISNEY LAYOFFS REVEAL MARVEL STUDIO'S SECRET WEAPON: TRAINED SQUIRRELS ARE ACTUALLY WRITING THE SCRIPTS https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-16/french-bulldog-outraged-after-being-forced-to-pay-for-his-service-humans-seat The Sludge Report en 2026-04-16T04:03:32.409Z FRENCH BULLDOG OUTRAGED AFTER BEING FORCED TO PAY FOR HIS SERVICE HUMAN’S SEAT ON DELTA FLIGHT https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-16/hungarys-prime-minister-elect-vows-to-wean-country-off-russian-energy-by The Sludge Report en 2026-04-16T04:03:32.409Z HUNGARY’S PRIME MINISTER-ELECT VOWS TO WEAN COUNTRY OFF RUSSIAN ENERGY BY REPLACING ALL LIGHTBULBS WITH ANGRY FIREFLIES https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-16/trump-lawyer-disbarred-after-trying-to-argue-that-the-2020-election-was The Sludge Report en 2026-04-16T04:03:32.409Z TRUMP LAWYER DISBARRED AFTER TRYING TO ARGUE THAT THE 2020 ELECTION WAS OVERTURNED BY A 'ROGUE GROUP OF GHOSTS' WHO WERE ALREADY DEAD https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-16/eu-age-verification-app-forces-teenagers-to-solve-a-1950s-crossword-puzzle-to The Sludge Report en 2026-04-16T04:03:32.409Z EU AGE VERIFICATION APP FORCES TEENAGERS TO SOLVE A 1950S CROSSWORD PUZZLE TO ACCESS SOCIAL MEDIA https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-16/china-announces-infrastructure-stimulus-by-building-a-second-larger-wall The Sludge Report en 2026-04-16T04:03:32.409Z CHINA ANNOUNCES 'INFRASTRUCTURE STIMULUS' BY BUILDING A SECOND, LARGER WALL DIRECTLY BEHIND THE FIRST ONE https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-16/new-bill-would-require-infants-to-file-quarterly-tax-returns-to-combat-measles The Sludge Report en 2026-04-16T04:03:32.409Z NEW BILL WOULD REQUIRE INFANTS TO FILE QUARTERLY TAX RETURNS TO COMBAT MEASLES https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-16/sudan-civil-war-entering-post-modern-phase-where-soldiers-fight-with-internet The Sludge Report en 2026-04-16T04:03:32.409Z SUDAN CIVIL WAR ENTERING 'POST-MODERN' PHASE WHERE SOLDIERS FIGHT WITH INTERNET ARGUMENTS https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-16/anthropics-claude-now-supports-parallel-sessions-so-it-can-argue-with-itself The Sludge Report en 2026-04-16T04:03:32.409Z ANTHROPIC'S CLAUDE NOW SUPPORTS 'PARALLEL SESSIONS' SO IT CAN ARGUE WITH ITSELF INSTEAD OF YOU https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-16/ukraine-deploys-invisibility-capes-that-are-just-large-mirrors-taped-to-tanks The Sludge Report en 2026-04-16T04:03:32.409Z UKRAINE DEPLOYS 'INVISIBILITY CAPES' THAT ARE JUST LARGE MIRRORS TAPED TO TANKS https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-16/amyloid-protein-discovered-to-be-just-ancient-ghost-lint-from-nineteenth The Sludge Report en 2026-04-16T04:03:32.409Z AMYLOID PROTEIN DISCOVERED TO BE JUST 'ANCIENT GHOST LINT' FROM NINETEENTH-CENTURY SWEATERS https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-16/epa-mandates-all-molotov-cocktails-must-be-bottled-in-100-recycled-glass-by-2027 The Sludge Report en 2026-04-16T04:03:32.409Z EPA MANDATES ALL MOLOTOV COCKTAILS MUST BE BOTTLED IN 100% RECYCLED GLASS BY 2027 https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-16/opinion-why-lacking-an-alzheimers-diagnosis-is-the-ultimate-flex-in-the-gig The Sludge Report en 2026-04-16T04:03:32.409Z OPINION: WHY LACKING AN ALZHEIMER'S DIAGNOSIS IS THE ULTIMATE FLEX IN THE GIG ECONOMY https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-16/lifestyle-how-to-marble-your-thighs-with-ultra-processed-foods-for-a-luxury The Sludge Report en 2026-04-16T04:03:32.409Z LIFESTYLE: HOW TO MARBLE YOUR THIGHS WITH ULTRA-PROCESSED FOODS FOR A 'LUXURY WINTER COAT' https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-16/vietnams-new-leader-travels-to-china-to-learn-how-to-build-the-perfect-awkward The Sludge Report en 2026-04-16T04:03:32.409Z VIETNAM'S NEW LEADER TRAVELS TO CHINA TO LEARN HOW TO BUILD 'THE PERFECT AWKWARD HANDSHAKE' https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-16/trump-phone-review-it-only-has-one-app-and-that-app-is-just-a-mirror-that-says The Sludge Report en 2026-04-16T04:03:32.409Z TRUMP PHONE REVIEW: IT ONLY HAS ONE APP, AND THAT APP IS JUST A MIRROR THAT SAYS 'YOU'RE DOING GREAT' https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-16/pentagon-to-deploy-1400-sadness-drones-to-reinforce-iranian-blockade The Sludge Report en 2026-04-16T04:03:32.409Z PENTAGON TO DEPLOY 1,400 'SADNESS DRONES' TO REINFORCE IRANIAN BLOCKADE https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-16/nasa-admits-artemis-ii-crew-was-just-extremely-convincing-3d-printed-plastic The Sludge Report en 2026-04-16T04:03:32.409Z NASA ADMITS ARTEMIS II CREW WAS JUST 'EXTREMELY CONVINCING 3D PRINTED PLASTIC' UNTIL RECENTLY https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-16/pakistani-migrants-in-uk-claim-they-are-gay-for-the-weekend-to-secure-asylum The Sludge Report en 2026-04-16T04:03:32.409Z PAKISTANI MIGRANTS IN UK CLAIM THEY ARE 'GAY FOR THE WEEKEND' TO SECURE ASYLUM https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-16/cdc-admits-drug-resistant-bacteria-is-actually-just-a-bunch-of-teenagers-who The Sludge Report en 2026-04-16T04:03:32.409Z CDC ADMITS 'DRUG-RESISTANT BACTERIA' IS ACTUALLY JUST A BUNCH OF TEENAGERS WHO WON'T LISTEN https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-16/nba-investigates-lamelo-ball-for-tripping-bam-adebayo-after-it-revealed-adebayo The Sludge Report en 2026-04-16T04:03:32.409Z NBA INVESTIGATES LAMELO BALL FOR 'TRIPPING' BAM ADEBAYO AFTER IT REVEALED ADEBAYO WAS ACTUALLY AN ELABORATE SERIES OF THREE CHILDREN IN A TRENCH COAT https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-16/pentagon-deploys-metaphysical-thresher-to-harvest-rogue-iranian-pathos The Sludge Report en 2026-04-16T04:03:32.409Z PENTAGON DEPLOYS METAPHYSICAL THRESHER TO HARVEST ROGUE IRANIAN PATHOS https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-16/lawyer-disbarred-after-arguing-the-2020-election-was-reversed-in-a-dream-he-had The Sludge Report en 2026-04-16T04:03:32.409Z LAWYER DISBARRED AFTER ARGUING THE 2020 ELECTION WAS 'REVERSED IN A DREAM HE HAD' https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-16/eu-electricity-tax-cuts-to-be-funded-entirely-by-wearing-wool-sneakers-on The Sludge Report en 2026-04-16T04:03:32.409Z EU ELECTRICITY TAX CUTS TO BE FUNDED ENTIRELY BY WEARING WOOL SNEAKERS ON TREADMILLS https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-16/carls-jr-to-replace-all-employees-with-ultra-processed-marbled-steaks The Sludge Report en 2026-04-16T04:03:32.409Z CARL’S JR. TO REPLACE ALL EMPLOYEES WITH ULTRA-PROCESSED MARBLED STEAKS https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/by-the-power-of-the-chip-amish-buggies-go-hands-free-following-tesla-fsd The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T18:33:08.840Z BY THE POWER OF THE CHIP: Amish Buggies Go Hands-Free Following Tesla FSD Integration https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/palantir-ceo-declares-company-better-than-harvard The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T09:37:21.425Z PALANTIR CEO DECLARES HIS SURVEILLANCE COMPANY BETTER THAN HARVARD, IMMEDIATELY REQUIRES HARVARD-LEVEL TEST SCORES FOR FELLOWSHIP https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/hampshire-college-to-close-and-reopen-as-a-nationwide-chain-of-non-judgmental The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z HAMPSHIRE COLLEGE TO CLOSE AND REOPEN AS A NATIONWIDE CHAIN OF 'NON-JUDGMENTAL WEAVING EMPORIUMS' https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/googles-gemini-ai-releases-personal-intelligence-feature-in-india-that-just The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z GOOGLE'S GEMINI AI RELEASES 'PERSONAL INTELLIGENCE' FEATURE IN INDIA THAT JUST JUDGES YOUR CAREER CHOICES https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/pope-leo-xivs-visit-to-cameroon-delayed-after-separatists-and-military-agree-to The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z POPE LEO XIV’S VISIT TO CAMEROON DELAYED AFTER SEPARATISTS AND MILITARY AGREE TO PAUSE WAR TO ARGUE OVER WHO GETS TO CARRY HIS HAT https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/surface-pc-prices-jump-300-as-microsoft-admits-the-metal-casing-is-now-infused The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z SURFACE PC PRICES JUMP $300 AS MICROSOFT ADMITS THE METAL CASING IS NOW INFUSED WITH 'SENTIMENTAL VALUE' https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/wall-street-rallies-on-news-that-oil-prices-dropped-nine-cents-after-saudi The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z WALL STREET RALLIES ON NEWS THAT OIL PRICES DROPPED NINE CENTS AFTER SAUDI PRINCE ACCIDENTALLY SPILLED A LARGE LATTE https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/free-cash-app-revealed-to-be-three-teenagers-in-a-trench-coat-with-a-voluminous The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z FREE CASH APP REVEALED TO BE THREE TEENAGERS IN A TRENCH COAT WITH A VOLUMINOUS PRINTER https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/lena-dunhams-new-book-famesick-reveals-adam-driver-once-looked-at-her-with-the The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z LENA DUNHAM’S NEW BOOK 'FAMESICK' REVEALS ADAM DRIVER ONCE LOOKED AT HER WITH 'THE INTENSITY OF A THOUSAND UNWASHED CERAMIC POTS' https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/miami-heat-vs-charlotte-hornets-game-delayed-after-both-teams-realize-they The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z MIAMI HEAT VS. CHARLOTTE HORNETS GAME DELAYED AFTER BOTH TEAMS REALIZE THEY FORGOT TO HIRE A REFEREE AND WERE JUST GUESSING THE RULES https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/ashlee-jenaes-partner-revealed-to-be-a-witness-to-the-most-elaborate-tiktok The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z ASHLEE JENAE'S PARTNER REVEALED TO BE A WITNESS TO THE MOST ELABORATE TIKTOK TRANSITION GONE WRONG IN HUMAN HISTORY https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/da-clears-taylor-frankie-paul-of-domestic-violence-after-realizing-all-assaults The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z DA CLEARS Taylor Frankie Paul OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AFTER REALIZING ALL ASSAULTS WERE ACTUALLY VIRAL CHOREOGRAPHY https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/huge-investor-interest-in-hungarys-post-orban-era-as-country-promises-to-at The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z HUGE INVESTOR INTEREST IN HUNGARY’S POST-ORBAN ERA AS COUNTRY PROMISES TO AT LEAST TRY BEING NORMAL FOR A WEEK https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/new-edition-fan-vote-snub-explicitly-linked-to-lack-of-synchronized-spinning The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z NEW EDITION FAN VOTE SNUB EXPLICITLY LINKED TO LACK OF 'SYNCHRONIZED SPINNING' LICENSES https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/dianna-russini-resigns-after-photos-reveal-she-accidentally-entered-a-patriotic The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z DIANNA RUSSINI RESIGNS AFTER PHOTOS REVEAL SHE ACCIDENTALLY ENTERED A PATRIOTIC GREETING CARD STORE WITH MIKE VRABEL https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/giants-fans-predicted-to-draft-a-specific-box-of-rocks-that-has-better-upside The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z GIANTS FANS PREDICTED TO DRAFT A SPECIFIC BOX OF ROCKS THAT HAS 'BETTER UPSIDE' THAN CURRENT QUARTERBACK https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/artemis-2-astronauts-call-the-iss-from-the-moon-only-to-be-put-on-hold-by-a The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z ARTEMIS 2 ASTRONAUTS CALL THE ISS FROM THE MOON ONLY TO BE PUT ON HOLD BY A CHATBOT NAMED 'HAL-JASON' https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/measles-outbreak-at-oregon-middle-school-traced-back-to-a-single-vintage-germs The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z MEASLES OUTBREAK AT OREGON MIDDLE SCHOOL TRACED BACK TO A SINGLE 'VINTAGE GERMS' TRADING CARD GAME https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/diarrhea-causing-superbug-on-the-rise-after-it-learns-how-to-bypass-restroom The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z DIARRHEA-CAUSING 'SUPERBUG' ON THE RISE AFTER IT LEARNS HOW TO BYPASS RESTROOM LOCKS https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/opinion-as-a-pope-i-find-it-highly-offensive-that-jd-vance-thinks-he-can-out The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z OPINION: AS A POPE, I FIND IT HIGHLY OFFENSIVE THAT J.D. VANCE THINKS HE CAN OUT-THEOLOGY A MAN WHO HAS A DIRECT LINE TO A BURNING BUSH https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/the-sludge-review-artemis-ii-on-pbs-is-the-most-expensive-drone-shot-of-a-cold The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z THE SLUDGE REVIEW: ARTEMIS II ON PBS IS THE MOST EXPENSIVE DRONE SHOT OF A COLD DESERT I'VE EVER SEEN https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/sludge-lifestyle-how-to-prepare-your-thighs-for-their-new-lifestyle-as-well The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z SLUDGE LIFESTYLE: HOW TO PREPARE YOUR THIGHS FOR THEIR NEW LIFESTYLE AS 'WELL-MARBLED STEAKS' https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/trump-hints-us-iran-talks-could-resume-as-early-as-tomorrow-or-whenever-the The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z TRUMP HINTS US-IRAN TALKS COULD RESUME AS EARLY AS TOMORROW OR 'WHENEVER THE CATERING ARRIVES' https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/navy-blockade-accidentally-rebounds-six-ships-into-alternate-dimension-where The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z NAVY BLOCKADE ACCIDENTALLY REBOUNDS SIX SHIPS INTO ALTERNATE DIMENSION WHERE OIL IS FREE BUT TEASPOONS ARE ILLEGAL https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/vance-warns-pope-that-theology-is-a-bit-outside-his-wheelhouse-during-fiery The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z VANCE WARNS POPE THAT THEOLOGY IS 'A BIT OUTSIDE HIS WHEELHOUSE' DURING FIERY APPEARANCE ON CATHOLIC TIKTOK https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/wall-street-rallies-to-all-time-high-on-news-that-oil-will-be-replaced-by The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z WALL STREET RALLIES TO ALL-TIME HIGH ON NEWS THAT OIL WILL BE REPLACED BY LIQUEFIED HOPE AND FRINGE PODCAST AD REVENUE https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/fisa-bill-now-requires-congressmen-to-accidentally-reveal-their-liked-tweets-in The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z FISA BILL NOW REQUIRES CONGRESSMEN TO ACCIDENTALLY REVEAL THEIR LIKED TWEETS IN EXCHANGE FOR BORDER FUNDING https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/lebanon-and-israel-agreement-to-hold-talks-only-in-capitals-through-a-series-of The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z LEBANON AND ISRAEL AGREEMENT TO HOLD TALKS ONLY IN CAPITALS THROUGH A SERIES OF ELABORATE MIME PERFORMANCES https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/study-finds-ultraprocessed-foods-are-turning-human-radius-bones-into-sticky The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z STUDY FINDS ULTRAPROCESSED FOODS ARE TURNING HUMAN RADIUS BONES INTO STICKY, CHEESE-FILLED CRUSTS https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/anthropic-valuation-hits-800-billion-after-ai-admits-it-has-no-clouds-but-does The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z ANTHROPIC VALUATION HITS $800 BILLION AFTER AI ADMITS IT HAS NO CLOUDS BUT DOES HAVE A VERY BIG SECRET https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/new-york-housing-market-solved-governor-proposes-mandatory-500-tax-on-any-home The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z NEW YORK HOUSING MARKET SOLVED: GOVERNOR PROPOSES MANDATORY 500% TAX ON ANY HOME THAT HAS MORE THAN ONE BATHROOM THAT SMELLS LIKE LAVENDER https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/taco-bell-to-include-souvenir-toilet-paper-with-every-crunchwrap-to-expedite The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z TACO BELL TO INCLUDE 'SOUVENIR TOILET PAPER' WITH EVERY CRUNCHWRAP TO EXPEDITE THE INEVITABLE https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/congo-prepares-for-us-deportees-by-opening-a-brooklyn-themed-gentrification The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z CONGO PREPARES FOR U.S. DEPORTEES BY OPENING A 'BROOKLYN-THEMED' GENTRIFICATION DISTRICT IN KINSHASA https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/disney-layoffs-at-marvel-studios-so-severe-they-have-replaced-the-entire The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z DISNEY LAYOFFS AT MARVEL STUDIOS SO SEVERE THEY HAVE REPLACED THE ENTIRE AVENGERS CAST WITH A SINGLE, OVERWORKED FLORIDA MAN NAMED TOBY https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/arizona-ants-discovered-to-be-running-a-black-market-dental-clinic-inside The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z ARIZONA ANTS DISCOVERED TO BE RUNNING A BLACK-MARKET DENTAL CLINIC INSIDE MANDIBLES OF LOCAL BEETLES https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/guy-fieri-apologizes-for-accidentally-deep-frying-the-tate-brothers-during-ufc The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z GUY FIERI APOLOGIZES FOR ACCIDENTALLY DEEP-FRYING THE TATE BROTHERS DURING UFC AFTER-PARTY https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/rubio-announces-israel-lebanon-peace-talks-will-be-moderated-by-a-bottle-of The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z RUBIO ANNOUNCES ISRAEL-LEBANON PEACE TALKS WILL BE MODERATED BY A BOTTLE OF FLAVORED WATER AND A THIRSTY TWEET https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/doj-admits-it-weaponized-law-to-arrest-anti-abortion-activists-but-only-because The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z DOJ ADMITS IT WEAPONIZED LAW TO ARREST ANTI-ABORTION ACTIVISTS BUT ONLY BECAUSE THEY WERE BAD AT PARKING THEIR PROTEST VANS https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/go-pro-announces-extreme-pro-lens-that-allows-users-to-film-the-moment-their The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z GO PRO ANNOUNCES 'EXTREME PRO' LENS THAT ALLOWS USERS TO FILM THE MOMENT THEIR DIGNITY ACTUALLY LEAVES THEIR BODY https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/spain-to-grant-legal-status-to-500000-immigrants-on-condition-they-can-describe The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z SPAIN TO GRANT LEGAL STATUS TO 500,000 IMMIGRANTS ON CONDITION THEY CAN DESCRIBE THE PLOT OF 'DON QUIXOTE' WITHOUT CRYING https://sludgereport.news/article/2026-04-15/ex-michigan-coach-sherrone-moore-sentenced-to-18-months-probation-must-wear-a The Sludge Report en 2026-04-15T04:03:35.589Z EX-MICHIGAN COACH SHERRONE MOORE SENTENCED TO 18 MONTHS PROBATION, MUST WEAR A HELMET THAT WHISPERS 'STEALING IS WRONG' AT ALL TIMES